As promised, today is the 4th of July and I've released the demo of "Back as one" on the awesome awesome oligarchy reverb nation page.
A little history on the song.
Written way way back in 2003 (thats 7 year ago man!), it is the 2nd song written by Oligarchy (interesting note: the first song is a song called Valium). How did the song came about you might ask... Well in 2003, even before Oligarchy was fully formed and named, me and Suf started writing songs. We were around Tampines and we only had my guitar to write down song ideas. We got the skeleton down and brought it to the jam room a few days later with a recently joined bassist name Bob. We played it to him, he got down writing the bass part and shazaam, the song was born. It was the second song ever written for this project and the very first to have everyone in the group putting their creative parts in it. The song is pretty much what an 18 year old filled with angst would write. If you ask me now, i'll say i don't really know what i was babbling about. This song has only been played live ONCE in 2005. Releasing this song, although not in its original arrangement, is really a walk back into the past.
Remembering how that song was made just brings back memories where everything was so simple and pure. Recording it was really a humbling experience. Sitting down, remembering what i was feeling when it was first written and trying to be 'in that moment' was really really nice. I hope people would enjoy it just like how i enjoy making it.
Keep checking for updates to know what other songs will be released soon. Yes, soon. Happy independence day.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
:: Wanted ::
Name:
Irfan
Alias:
Little monster, Boy killer, Baby face assassin, Oi don’t touch my stuff, No, Afan
D.O.B:
No idea
Hobbies:
Climbing, wrecking stuff, crying, jumping around, digging nose, crapping everywhere
Likes:
Anything and everything, disgusting or pleasant.
Dislikes:
Anything that can’t be touched
:: Get ready for more free music ::
Its been awhile since i've released new music in oligarchy reverbnation page. Check that page out on July 4th. Might release 1 song, or maybe more. Could be releasing past demo or better still.... newly recorded song ideas (or reworked old songs)! I'm itching to record again so who knows. Lets see if time permits me to do what i want to do or if time will do me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
:: Coming towards the end of June ::
Finally! No more June weekends. Phew.... I have never been busier in June than this year. In total, we played 4 shows, had 2 weddings, 1 mad practice session and i had to go thru that mind boggling TP test. That I pass. (will update on what happen and everything in a later post). This June is really pure madness. But close to the end of it all, I understood individuals better. I'm guessing July will be the time to undwind and relax. Now, I need to clean my room, fix back all my recording gear, get back into the 'i'm making music' mindset and lastly, wax and clean my bike. Booyah!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
:: Weekends so far ::
June weekends started with a wedding followed by 1 weekend gig. The following week was back to back gigs and next week would be my TP, cousin wedding and lastly the last gig for this month. After that, finally rest. I'm getting too old for this. A holiday maybe? Hmmm... maybe. And yes, our faces are pasted on the gates of SAF Yatch Club.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
:: A Tough Decision ::
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.
:: Train delay ::
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
:: The ladies will kill me for this, while the men will hail me as their hero ::
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says ?I don?t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.?
The husband says ?WHAT???
The wife says, ?You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman.?
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.
He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can?t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ?But you don?t even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then let?s get it.?
The wife is jumping up and down ? she?s so excited, she cannot believe what is going on.
She says ?I?m ready to go, let?s go to the cash register.? The husband says, ?No - no - no, honey we?re not going to buy all this stuff.? The wife?s face goes blank, ?No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.?
Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the husband says ?You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man.?
The husband says ?WHAT???
The wife says, ?You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman.?
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.
He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can?t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ?But you don?t even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then let?s get it.?
The wife is jumping up and down ? she?s so excited, she cannot believe what is going on.
She says ?I?m ready to go, let?s go to the cash register.? The husband says, ?No - no - no, honey we?re not going to buy all this stuff.? The wife?s face goes blank, ?No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.?
Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the husband says ?You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man.?
Monday, June 14, 2010
:: 13 things PMS stands for ::
01. Pass My Shotgun
02. Psychotic Mood Shift
03. Perpetual Munching Spree
04. Puffy Mid-Section
05. People Make me Sick
06. Provide Me with Sweets
07. Pardon My Sobbing
08. Pimples May Surface
09. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly - Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
02. Psychotic Mood Shift
03. Perpetual Munching Spree
04. Puffy Mid-Section
05. People Make me Sick
06. Provide Me with Sweets
07. Pardon My Sobbing
08. Pimples May Surface
09. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly - Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
:: The funniest joke ever ::
This is presumably the funniest joke ever.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps; "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence and then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps; "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence and then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Saturday, June 12, 2010
:: Streetfest 2010 part 1 of 3 ::
Oligarchy played 1 out of 4 of their gigs for this June and it was a blast! Check out the best fan video ever! 3 more shows to go and personally, if all the gigs are like this, it would be fucking rad! For the first time ever, my dad saw me up on stage. And to think he saw me while he was driving. More pictures coming soon
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
:: The engine has started ::
Went over to an invite only opening ceremony for Streetfest 2010, Younity. Such a honour to be invited and seeing the whole ceremony, it made me realize that I'm part of something big and meaningful to the art scene. The whole month of June will be busy and after the ceremony today, i just realize that the engine has started. Can't wait to be on stage. Plus, our ugly faces appeared in the booklet. Since it is the size of a 20cent coin, to some we've made it. Since i have topped what you did in your whole music career, now you have to top what i did. Putting jackasses aside, I hope people would come to see us and i can bloody promise people there i'll wear my heart on my sleeves and make you understand me more by hearing what i have to say in my songs. A new guitar? A new sound? Some new clothes? Nah, i'm not that big of a rockstar. But yeah, this Streetfest will freaking kick ass!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
:: Streetfest 09 Part 1 ::
For the June 12 gig, Oligarchy set list we be as so:
1) Smoke as perfume
2) RTT
3) (This is) Not about you
4) Creator in disguise
5) Stray
6) Caving into something
7) Bringing them down
8) Anna Amethyst
If you have the time, do see the video coz its a good sneak preview on what we'll be doing on that day (maybe even more).
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
:: Setlist for Streetfest 10 gig ::
Here are the list of songs Oligarchy will be playing during Streetfest 10. Hope to see people there!
Bringing them down
The way out
Understanding the break down
Caving into something
Valium
Use somebody - Kings of Leon
You know you're right - Nirvana
Bringing them down
The way out
Understanding the break down
Caving into something
Valium
Use somebody - Kings of Leon
You know you're right - Nirvana
Thursday, May 20, 2010
:: The Post Office Job Interview ::
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"
He says "Yes, just caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here.” and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean off."
The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day. Don't worry, we'll still pay you from 8am."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me to be here before 10am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"
He says "Yes, just caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here.” and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean off."
The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day. Don't worry, we'll still pay you from 8am."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don't you want me to be here before 10am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
:: More updates on songs Oligarchy should cover ::
More updates!
01) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
02) With or Without you - U2
03) You know you're right - Nirvana
04) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
05) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
06) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
07) Jumper - Third Eye Blind
08) Here's to the night - Eve 6
09) Just like a pill - Pink
10) Kiss the rain - Billie Myers
Keep them coming! The gig is coming really soon and i think by the end of this week, the list will be finalized and we'll see which songs are going to be picked. Acoustic or as a whole band performance would be a whole new level of headache!
01) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
02) With or Without you - U2
03) You know you're right - Nirvana
04) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
05) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
06) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
07) Jumper - Third Eye Blind
08) Here's to the night - Eve 6
09) Just like a pill - Pink
10) Kiss the rain - Billie Myers
Keep them coming! The gig is coming really soon and i think by the end of this week, the list will be finalized and we'll see which songs are going to be picked. Acoustic or as a whole band performance would be a whole new level of headache!
:: The Art of Eating Ketchup ::
Imagine this. You are at your favourite fastfood restaurant. You ordered yourself a nice burger. You sit down. Arrange your food. Take the ketchup packets. Rip them open on one side. You unwrapped those paper wrappers and proceed to remove the top bun, exposing the meat. YOu take the ketchup packet and squeeze all the content out to the center of the burger. Than, you take the top half bread part and just squesh it back to place.
Does this sound like you? Are you eating burgers this way? If you are.... YOU ARE NOT EATING IT THE RIGHT WAY!
Let Crainte la baise face teach you the PROPER way to eat your burger with ketchup (can apply with packets of chili sauce too)!
Why is it wrong?
It is wrong because when you do that, all the sauce will be concentrated only on the center, leaving the center as sour as hell (spicy if its chili sauce) and the outer layer parts bland. By doing so, you are also making the center part mushy. Who likes mushy burgers man!
If its wrong, what do i do to make it right?
Well, two left turns don't make a right. Right? Introducing, "THE ART OF EATING KETCHUP"!!! (manual for NOT MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF WHILE EATING BURGER comes exclusively for first 5 people who yells "GODZILLA" in the girls toilet)
The Art of Eating Ketchup
The Art of Eating Ketchup was created by a group of scientist looking to solve this big mystery. Many ways were created and tested but to no avail. One day, a scientist name Dr. Wersmypundik was about to eat a burger when his phone rang. It was an important call and he needed to write down a memo but has no pen or paper within his reach. Seeing the exposed burger and the opened ketchup packet, he took the ketchup packet and wrote the message on the beef patty. After hanging up, he took a pen and paper and wrote what was on the patty down on the paper. He covered the burger and proceed to eat it. He realized that the ketchup was spread even! Leaving no mushy center or the concentrated sour taste at the center! He realized that by writing a message onto the patty, he is spreading the sauce evenly throughout the patty!
Why should i follow The Art of Eating Ketchup?
Why not?
Well, The Art of Eating Ketchup is not only for burgers, you can eat it with fries or chickens! Have fun, write love messages or messages of hope and peace. Below is an example i did a few days back.
(Note, the message is not to anyone in particular. It was done out of fun and boredom. If you think it is a message to you, please sit down and consider what wrong you have done to me to make you think that I would write that message down just for you and you only.)
So what are you waiting for!? Enjoy the Art of Eating Ketchup now!
*Author holds no responsibility or is liable for actions that user may suffer from if someone sitting around your area sees the message written. Author is also not responsible if sauces are stale. No backspace or undo is possible after writing the message on the patty. Blankco is not recommended due to poisonous substance found in it.
Does this sound like you? Are you eating burgers this way? If you are.... YOU ARE NOT EATING IT THE RIGHT WAY!
Let Crainte la baise face teach you the PROPER way to eat your burger with ketchup (can apply with packets of chili sauce too)!
Why is it wrong?
It is wrong because when you do that, all the sauce will be concentrated only on the center, leaving the center as sour as hell (spicy if its chili sauce) and the outer layer parts bland. By doing so, you are also making the center part mushy. Who likes mushy burgers man!
If its wrong, what do i do to make it right?
Well, two left turns don't make a right. Right? Introducing, "THE ART OF EATING KETCHUP"!!! (manual for NOT MAKING AN ASS OF YOURSELF WHILE EATING BURGER comes exclusively for first 5 people who yells "GODZILLA" in the girls toilet)
The Art of Eating Ketchup
The Art of Eating Ketchup was created by a group of scientist looking to solve this big mystery. Many ways were created and tested but to no avail. One day, a scientist name Dr. Wersmypundik was about to eat a burger when his phone rang. It was an important call and he needed to write down a memo but has no pen or paper within his reach. Seeing the exposed burger and the opened ketchup packet, he took the ketchup packet and wrote the message on the beef patty. After hanging up, he took a pen and paper and wrote what was on the patty down on the paper. He covered the burger and proceed to eat it. He realized that the ketchup was spread even! Leaving no mushy center or the concentrated sour taste at the center! He realized that by writing a message onto the patty, he is spreading the sauce evenly throughout the patty!
Why should i follow The Art of Eating Ketchup?
Why not?
Well, The Art of Eating Ketchup is not only for burgers, you can eat it with fries or chickens! Have fun, write love messages or messages of hope and peace. Below is an example i did a few days back.
(Note, the message is not to anyone in particular. It was done out of fun and boredom. If you think it is a message to you, please sit down and consider what wrong you have done to me to make you think that I would write that message down just for you and you only.)
So what are you waiting for!? Enjoy the Art of Eating Ketchup now!
*Author holds no responsibility or is liable for actions that user may suffer from if someone sitting around your area sees the message written. Author is also not responsible if sauces are stale. No backspace or undo is possible after writing the message on the patty. Blankco is not recommended due to poisonous substance found in it.
Friday, May 14, 2010
:: Update of Oligarchy cover song ::
An update on the songs Oligarchy should be covering
1) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
2) With or Without you - U2
3) You know you're right - Nirvana
4) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
5) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
6) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
7) Jumper - Third Eye Blind
8) Here's to the night - Eve 6
Keep the list going people!!!
1) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
2) With or Without you - U2
3) You know you're right - Nirvana
4) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
5) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
6) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
7) Jumper - Third Eye Blind
8) Here's to the night - Eve 6
Keep the list going people!!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
:: Oligarchy upcoming gigs and setlist preview ::
June will be a busy month for Oligarchy. 5 shows have been confirmed although the setlist has not been confirmed yet. Well, lets try something out right here and now.
Here are the details of what gig we have, when and where it will happen
Streetfest 2010 - 12 June 2010 (Plaza Singapura)
Ramans gig - 19 June 2010 (Katib Community Centre if I'm not wrong)
Carnival by the Straits 2010 - 19 June 2010 (SAF Changi Yatch Club)
Streetfest 2010 - 20 June 2010 (Cineleisure)
Streetfest 2010 - 27 June 2010 (Cathay)
Therefore, as you can see, Oligarchy will be busy during June. 2 weddings is happening during June, which makes us all busier like an ant!
In terms of setlist, we will be playing cover songs. Here's a list of possible covers we will play
1) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
2) With or Without you - U2
3) You know you're right - Nirvana
4) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
5) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
6) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
So what i need anyone and everyone to do is, tell me what you all want to hear and we'll play it. Even if its a Nirvana song that isn't in the list, just tell me! If we can do it, we will do it. If we can't, pick another song!
For the original songs, i don't think i'm putting down the list and asking people to pick coz there is a possibility I am going to pick all new songs to play that are not on the EP and not been performed on last year Streetfest or any major gig events.
Updated talks with Bob indicates a new layout for our myspace page with new themes and also a new logo for Oligarchy. Check out the page to see updates and hear samples of our music there.
Tell me what songs you want me to play either thru my blog or my twitter page. Also please update me if you have seen "Sembawang random guy".
Let the year kick its butt with Oligarchy!
Here are the details of what gig we have, when and where it will happen
Streetfest 2010 - 12 June 2010 (Plaza Singapura)
Ramans gig - 19 June 2010 (Katib Community Centre if I'm not wrong)
Carnival by the Straits 2010 - 19 June 2010 (SAF Changi Yatch Club)
Streetfest 2010 - 20 June 2010 (Cineleisure)
Streetfest 2010 - 27 June 2010 (Cathay)
Therefore, as you can see, Oligarchy will be busy during June. 2 weddings is happening during June, which makes us all busier like an ant!
In terms of setlist, we will be playing cover songs. Here's a list of possible covers we will play
1) Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
2) With or Without you - U2
3) You know you're right - Nirvana
4) Time after time - Cyndi Lauper
5) Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me - U2
6) Billie Jean - The late, great, Michael Jackson
So what i need anyone and everyone to do is, tell me what you all want to hear and we'll play it. Even if its a Nirvana song that isn't in the list, just tell me! If we can do it, we will do it. If we can't, pick another song!
For the original songs, i don't think i'm putting down the list and asking people to pick coz there is a possibility I am going to pick all new songs to play that are not on the EP and not been performed on last year Streetfest or any major gig events.
Updated talks with Bob indicates a new layout for our myspace page with new themes and also a new logo for Oligarchy. Check out the page to see updates and hear samples of our music there.
Tell me what songs you want me to play either thru my blog or my twitter page. Also please update me if you have seen "Sembawang random guy".
Let the year kick its butt with Oligarchy!
Sunday, May 09, 2010
:: English Premier League Champion once more!!! ::
Congrats to the people down at Chelsea FC! Job well done! No shame for Man United fans as this was really a close close season. Kudos! Hangover feeling for no English soccer for the next 2 months or so. Pride of London!!!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Sunday, May 02, 2010
:: The Hotel Bill ::
The Hotel Bill
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider
this...
Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
$350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
worth $350.00!
When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available
for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous.
'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform
here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we
didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' he says,
this check is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with
my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.'
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider
this...
Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for
$350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't
worth $350.00!
When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on
speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available
for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous.
'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform
here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, 'But we
didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But sir,' he says,
this check is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with
my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.'
:: 15 funny ways to answer your office phone ::
1. "Tukang mandi mayat..!" (Undertaker)
2. "Cobra commander, how can i help you?"
3. "Canadian pizza, 2 for 1. (pause) Canadian pizza, 2 for 1"
4. "Your soul is mine....."
5. "HELLO! WA TAKDA SENANG!"
6. "Seven daaaaayyyyyssssss"
7. "Rock on! Apply directly to your head. Rock on! Apply directly to you head. Roc...."
8. "Hi, this is Hell. Do you have a booking?"
9. "To donate $5, please press 1."
10. "Fish marker, Shark speaking"
11. "Sorry Han Solo is a rock currently."
12. picks the phone up and just roar!
13. "Please leave your message after the beep." And you just hang up.
14. "Hi, you will be recorded for quality training"
15. "Twit twit. Twit twit" Hang up.
2. "Cobra commander, how can i help you?"
3. "Canadian pizza, 2 for 1. (pause) Canadian pizza, 2 for 1"
4. "Your soul is mine....."
5. "HELLO! WA TAKDA SENANG!"
6. "Seven daaaaayyyyyssssss"
7. "Rock on! Apply directly to your head. Rock on! Apply directly to you head. Roc...."
8. "Hi, this is Hell. Do you have a booking?"
9. "To donate $5, please press 1."
10. "Fish marker, Shark speaking"
11. "Sorry Han Solo is a rock currently."
12. picks the phone up and just roar!
13. "Please leave your message after the beep." And you just hang up.
14. "Hi, you will be recorded for quality training"
15. "Twit twit. Twit twit" Hang up.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
:: My Birthday present ::
A few weeks back my beloved 19frets bought for me a present for my birthday. It's something that naughty monstrous child in me had always wanted and i really appreciate it. Now i can get my book collection rolling!
:: Cronicles of Affairs ::
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
‘Oh it’s a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
:: Mothers Affair ::
'Hello?'
'Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'
***Brief Pause***
Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.'
***Brief Pause.***
'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's
car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay Daddy, just a minute.'
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
'I did it Daddy'
And what happened honey?'
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't moving at all!'
'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped
out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that
you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think
he's dead.'
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool ?? We dont have a swimming pool !!
Ah, is this 486-5731??'
No, this is 486-5713.... .
'SORRY WRONG NUMBER !'
'Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'
***Brief Pause***
Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.'
***Brief Pause.***
'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's
car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay Daddy, just a minute.'
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
'I did it Daddy'
And what happened honey?'
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't moving at all!'
'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped
out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that
you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think
he's dead.'
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool ?? We dont have a swimming pool !!
Ah, is this 486-5731??'
No, this is 486-5713.... .
'SORRY WRONG NUMBER !'
:: Italian Pregnancy ::
An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for
2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The
test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari
stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an
Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells
them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on
the man's shoulder and tells him,
'You try again.'
2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The
test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari
stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an
Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells
them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on
the man's shoulder and tells him,
'You try again.'
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
:: The Die-Hard Man U Fan ::
Man United won 3-1 against Tottenham last night, making the BPL very very interesting. Was walking to have supper after that and caught a very happy Man U fan celebrating. I love this dude so much!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
:: 15 ways to say "i love you" ::
1. You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.
2. I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.
3. You had me at “Stop following me!”
4. If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.
5. To me, you’re like what Bert is to Ernie
6. If you were a handful of genital crabs, I’d never change my underwear.
7. I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.
8. You... asshole....I....asshole....together....assholes....
9. You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.
10. Not only would I die for you, I’d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.
11. I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumour.
12. You’re like that pimple that won’t go away. Hard to ignore.
13. I "blood-pumping organ in an animate being" you
14. You're my "Ctrl+S".
15. In my eyes, you're biodegradable
I tried it on 19frets at twitter. Lets see if it catches her heart!
2. I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.
3. You had me at “Stop following me!”
4. If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.
5. To me, you’re like what Bert is to Ernie
6. If you were a handful of genital crabs, I’d never change my underwear.
7. I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.
8. You... asshole....I....asshole....together....assholes....
9. You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.
10. Not only would I die for you, I’d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.
11. I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumour.
12. You’re like that pimple that won’t go away. Hard to ignore.
13. I "blood-pumping organ in an animate being" you
14. You're my "Ctrl+S".
15. In my eyes, you're biodegradable
I tried it on 19frets at twitter. Lets see if it catches her heart!
:: Power of Pop ::
This dude coined the term "S-Rock" and I'm going to use it shamelessly to describe my band from now onwards. Check his myspace page here and hear the track "Hit and Run". Its like uber cool! For the power of pop website, click here. He's a cool dude but only bad thing is he's a Tottenham supporter. But since he did a track with Auto-tune, I'll let that slide.
:: Here are some facts about the1500s ::
* Most people got married in June because they took their yearly
bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were
starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
* Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the
house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty, you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
* Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no
wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery, and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
* There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That's how canopy beds came into existence.
* The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than
dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor."
* The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the
winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
(Getting quite an education, aren't we?)
* In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle
that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and
dropped things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
* Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around
and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom
Of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
"upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
* England is old and small and the local folks started running out
of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring!
bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were
starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
* Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the
house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty, you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
* Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no
wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery, and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
* There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.
This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That's how canopy beds came into existence.
* The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than
dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor."
* The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the
winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold."
(Getting quite an education, aren't we?)
* In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle
that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and
dropped things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.
Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
* Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around
and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom
Of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
"upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.
Hence the custom of holding a "wake."
* England is old and small and the local folks started running out
of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
:: Guide to Job Interviews ::
A friend of mine is going thru a 'life-changing-moment-that-i-must-go-thru" moment. His interview is really around the corner, so just as a nice gesture, I've compiled a list of good resourceful website on how to deal with interviews since I've just went thru one myself. Here we go. Lets do this!
1) Interview Questions and Answers
2) 50 Common Questions them Jackals will ask you
3) Common Questions that may make you shit in your pants
4) How to NOT dig yourself into a hole with your own shovel
5) Guide on Job Interviews, from what you wear to what you say
If all else fail
6) "Knock knock", "Who's there?", "I kill you"
1) Interview Questions and Answers
2) 50 Common Questions them Jackals will ask you
3) Common Questions that may make you shit in your pants
4) How to NOT dig yourself into a hole with your own shovel
5) Guide on Job Interviews, from what you wear to what you say
If all else fail
6) "Knock knock", "Who's there?", "I kill you"
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
:: Prank from the man above ::
For 2 days straight god has decided to prank me up and let me get "pants-wet" whenever i go home.
:: Excuses for coming to work late ::
- I had to teach the temps on how to use the equipment.
- Do you know how long it takes to give a dollar to every Santa you see?
- I was in a meeting. ..... What, you weren't invited? That's messed up.
- It's always in crises after another.
- I had to show the new worker something.
- Your watch must be fast.
- Don't be too hasty in judging me and then trying to oust me. If I am found to have done something wrong, then I ask to be forgiven. - Indonesian President Abdurrahman Wahid, who is alleged to have been involved in two financial scandals involving some six million dollars, and who acknowledged that according to the results of the last election, his deputy, Megawati Sukarnoputri, should have been elected president.
- The new manager needed some help understanding the reports that were filed by.....
- I got pinned down by Charlie.
- I wasn't late. I just failed to be on time.
- I'm working on getting everyone in position.
- I'm very busy at the moment.
- I wasn't paying attention.
- You never asked any of the other workers that.
- Well you see, it's like this...
- Funny you should ask.
- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones
- I shouldn't have said what I am reported to have said, and if I did, I apologize. - Jon S. Corzine
- Someone wanted to be a farmer; so I gave them a couple of arce's. - From The Last Action Hero
- I'm working on the next big thing.
- Want to talk about it over a bite to eat?
- I fell asleep in the shower.
- I ran into a parade.
- You didn't call to wake me up.
- I didn't want to play the game.
- I didn't want to seem to eager.
- I hear you're getting a pony.
- I was to busy sleeping to be on time.
- Let me get back to you.
- If I did that, I'd be real surprised.
- I'm very glad you asked that question; because that brings us right back to the issue of .....
- Is it Spring forward or Spring back?
- Could I get back to you?
- I'm not late, I'm early for next time. sticking my head in a moose. - Samuel Goldwyn
- I had a top level meeting with (Insert name of someone inportant here).
- Is it Fall forward or Fall back?
- Have you seen my baseball?
- I was, uh.....
- Could you please repeat the question?
- You should have told be to be here on time.
- I saw Elvis.
- It's not like I'm paid to come here.
- I thought time was on my side.
- I had to speak to the man in charge.
- That's all right, it's not my fault; all I need is some more training.
- I had to catch a Pokemon.
- I was, well you know...
- I couldn't find my clothes.
:: Beware of small cute little things ::
Approach with caution if you seen something is cute. You don't need to see them wearing boxing gloves to know they are dangerous!
:: 15 ways to annoy your co-worker ::
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5. Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
12. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
13. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.
3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5. Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.
8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
12. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
13. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
15. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
Monday, April 19, 2010
:: Chain mail ::
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and 2009 and continuing it in 2010 also.......
Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...
* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo...
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times..... (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)
NOW IMPORTANT NOTE :
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 7:30pm.
Nothing has happened till now........................ but who knows. So please forward.
Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc…..
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...
* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo...
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a Can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times..... (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
* Still open to help somebody from Nigeria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.
* I have forwarded 35 emails to 400 people hoping that Ericsson or Nokia will send me latest mobile phones but those models are also obsolete now.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)
NOW IMPORTANT NOTE :
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will Pee on your head today at 7:30pm.
Nothing has happened till now........................ but who knows. So please forward.
:: Bad advice from me ::
Once, this Chinese friend of mine wanted to date a Malay girl in my class. He asked her, and she said yes. We know what sort of a guy this friend of mine is and we understood his intentions when he goes about bragging to us about the date.
He came to me one day and asked me, "How do i say you look lovely tonight?" in Malay. I told him, with a convincing look, "You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni." He smiled and took 15 mins trying to master that sentence with me correcting him everytime he said it wrong. Finally, the day came and they went out. I was at home when my phone rang. It was him. He said, "Dude, just to double check. Its.... you punye tetek besar malam ni. Right?" I told him "Wrong its, 'You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni'". "Oh ok....thanks man...wah tonight sure can get her in the sack!". He said his thanks and put down the phone.
A few days later, he met me and i asked him how the date went. He told me his date slapped him hard and left him then and there, covered with popcorns and his drink spilled all over the floor. His last words to me was, "Maybe i said it wrongly....I never knew that the Malay language is like the Chinese language. Say it wrong, and it means something else." We parted ways after that and i never hear from him again.
By the way. "You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni" means "Your boobs are big tonight". And yes, i did that deliberately coz that girl he wanted is my best friend.
He came to me one day and asked me, "How do i say you look lovely tonight?" in Malay. I told him, with a convincing look, "You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni." He smiled and took 15 mins trying to master that sentence with me correcting him everytime he said it wrong. Finally, the day came and they went out. I was at home when my phone rang. It was him. He said, "Dude, just to double check. Its.... you punye tetek besar malam ni. Right?" I told him "Wrong its, 'You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni'". "Oh ok....thanks man...wah tonight sure can get her in the sack!". He said his thanks and put down the phone.
A few days later, he met me and i asked him how the date went. He told me his date slapped him hard and left him then and there, covered with popcorns and his drink spilled all over the floor. His last words to me was, "Maybe i said it wrongly....I never knew that the Malay language is like the Chinese language. Say it wrong, and it means something else." We parted ways after that and i never hear from him again.
By the way. "You punye tetek nampak besar malam ni" means "Your boobs are big tonight". And yes, i did that deliberately coz that girl he wanted is my best friend.
Friday, April 16, 2010
:: Pickup line gone wrong ::
Bad Pickup lines
- "I saw you from afar and u look so amazing. I can't keep my eyes off you to the point i stepped on dog shit"
- "Would you want to eat dinner with me? Kinda my last meal before i jump"
-"Hi, I'm Wan and i am an insurance agent" - This always drive the women away
- "Wanna go out with me for dinner? I swear i'll twit about it"
- "Hi, do you know. If we go out and eat together and we go dutch, technically we are not on a date"
- "Hi, i know this sounds weird but the moment i saw u, i know im going to want to eat u"
- "Wanna have dinner? Yes? Ok? Let me cancel on my date first"
- "If you dont want to eat with me than why not i eat, and u watch"
- "Hi wanna have dinner with me? I'm good at making people laugh. 4 of my dates choked while eating with me so far"
I'm guessing thats it for now. Actually the line i used to get Nura is a line from blink 182 song. Damn, how i got her is beyond my understanding.
- "I saw you from afar and u look so amazing. I can't keep my eyes off you to the point i stepped on dog shit"
- "Would you want to eat dinner with me? Kinda my last meal before i jump"
-"Hi, I'm Wan and i am an insurance agent" - This always drive the women away
- "Wanna go out with me for dinner? I swear i'll twit about it"
- "Hi, do you know. If we go out and eat together and we go dutch, technically we are not on a date"
- "Hi, i know this sounds weird but the moment i saw u, i know im going to want to eat u"
- "Wanna have dinner? Yes? Ok? Let me cancel on my date first"
- "If you dont want to eat with me than why not i eat, and u watch"
- "Hi wanna have dinner with me? I'm good at making people laugh. 4 of my dates choked while eating with me so far"
I'm guessing thats it for now. Actually the line i used to get Nura is a line from blink 182 song. Damn, how i got her is beyond my understanding.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
:: Three answers most scared by men ::
(Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine?
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
(Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a cafe and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
(You decide)
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
:: You are the chosen one ::
Jerry is a middle age man. Unmarried, unemployed and poor. One fine night, he went over to Bedok Reservoir to ponder on his miserable life.
"Why has my life always been like this" he asked himself.
Suddenly, the dark skies of Bedok Reservoir lighted up and the clouds parted ways. A bright light descended from the skies onto the reservoir. Shielding himself with one hand, Jerry squinted his eyes and to his amazement, he sees a man descending from the clouds.
That mysterious man hovered on the waters of the reservoir and look at Jerry with eyes so calm. Jerry thought to himself, "Is this man god?"
The man came closer to Jerry and said, "Jerry my son, I am god."
Jerry, with eyes so wide open could only stutter "G-g-g-god?"
"Yes my son. I am god. I am here to tell you that you are the choosen one"
Upon completing that line, the area around Jerry lighted up and the wind blew hard as though it was applauding Jerry.
Jerry looked at the man and said.....
"Oh shit!"
"Why has my life always been like this" he asked himself.
Suddenly, the dark skies of Bedok Reservoir lighted up and the clouds parted ways. A bright light descended from the skies onto the reservoir. Shielding himself with one hand, Jerry squinted his eyes and to his amazement, he sees a man descending from the clouds.
That mysterious man hovered on the waters of the reservoir and look at Jerry with eyes so calm. Jerry thought to himself, "Is this man god?"
The man came closer to Jerry and said, "Jerry my son, I am god."
Jerry, with eyes so wide open could only stutter "G-g-g-god?"
"Yes my son. I am god. I am here to tell you that you are the choosen one"
Upon completing that line, the area around Jerry lighted up and the wind blew hard as though it was applauding Jerry.
Jerry looked at the man and said.....
"Oh shit!"
Friday, April 02, 2010
:: Clap Part 2 ::
Taken before everything was confirm. Look at his face man
We were told that we may be put into next month Clap show. So only time will tell and hopefully we are playing a few more gigs before that comes.
Heres alittle preview we did during soundcheck!
We were told that we may be put into next month Clap show. So only time will tell and hopefully we are playing a few more gigs before that comes.
Heres alittle preview we did during soundcheck!
:: Crazy clap part 1 ::
The rain so far has created mix reaction from me. So far, the rain has
1) Make my ball shrink everytime i have bike practice
2) Gotten me wet in so many occassions
3) Got a gig cancelled
4) Given me many bad hairdays and lastly
5) Allow me to take pictures with my childhood idols!
YEAH! Being in a band finally paid off!
1) Make my ball shrink everytime i have bike practice
2) Gotten me wet in so many occassions
3) Got a gig cancelled
4) Given me many bad hairdays and lastly
5) Allow me to take pictures with my childhood idols!
YEAH! Being in a band finally paid off!
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