Thursday, September 30, 2010

:: Online dating ::

Once upon a time, many many…. Wait for it…. Many years ago,

Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat was chilling out at the Istana cafeteria, enjoying a cup of coffee and chewing on some tobacco.

“Hang Tuah, why do you want to slack here? Don’t they have a good cafeteria down the road?” asked Tun Mamat.

“Mat. I’m old. I don’t want to travel far. Lets just sit here and enjoy what we have now. Plus, I can get a Laksamana discount.” Answered Hang Tuah.

Suddenly, down the hallway, Sultan Mahmud was pacing looking at his iphone. He turns and saw Hang Tuah. “Yes. The person I’m looking for.”

“Hang Tuah! Hang Tuah! Come here!” shouted the Sultan.

Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat hurriedly ran to the Sultan. “Wahai tuanku beribu ribu am-“

“Ya ya ya.” The Sultan waved his hands. “Tuah, check this out. Pretty or not?” the Sultan asked, showing his phone to Tuah.

“Yes your highness. She is pretty. Who is she may I ask your highness?” Tuah said.

“She. My friend. Is Puteri Gunung Ledang. I saw her at facebook. Her nickname is mountainmystic27.” Said the Sultan. “Now I want you to go to Gunung Ledang and get her to marry me. I’ve already put a shoutout on her wall telling her that you and Tun Mamat will be coming.”

The message look like this.

Hotsultan36 : “Yo my Puteri. My peeps are coming down to bring you here today. See you soon. XOXOX”

Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat set foot to Gunung Ledang.

“See la Tuah. I told you go eat somewhere else….. noooooo… discount la. Tired la.” Grumbled Tun Mamat.

“Ya ya ya. Wait Mamat. I think we’re here. What beautiful garden this place has.” Hang Tuah said.

An old scary looking women suddenly appeared in front of them and said “Yes?”

“SIAL!” screamed Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat (jumping a few metres behind).

“Who are you?!” asked Hang Tuah.

“What you mean ‘Who are you?’? You came here. Who are you?” the old lady said.

“I’m Hang Tuah. I come here looking for mountainmys- I mean Puteri Gunung Ledang. Please don’t tell me you are her. My king will flip!” Hang Tuah said.

“No. I’m not her. I’m her maid (Good morning mum, good morning dad). I’ll go and get her for you.” After saying that, the old lady walked behind a tree.

“Tuah. For a moment I thought that was the Puteri. You know la this days…. People never put the right picture of themselves on their facebook.” Tun Mamat said.

“I know Tun Mamat. I know.” Hang Tuah said.

“Friends! My Queen has decided. If your Sultan wants to meet her and marry her. She has a few conditions that need to be fulfilled. They are….” The old lady said but was interrupted by Tuah.

“WAIT!!!!! Let me write this down.” Tuah said. He took out a notebook and Tun Mamat passed him a pen. “Carry on”

“Ok. The conditions are.

· A golden bridge for her to walk to Malacca from the mountain,

· A silver bridge for her to return from Malacca to the mountain,

· Seven jars of virgin's tears,

· Seven bowls of betel nut juice,

· Seven trays filled with hearts of fleas,

· Seven trays filled with hearts of mosquitoes, and

· A bowl of the blood of the Sultan's young son.

Got everything?” asked the old lady.

“A bridge eh. Seven jars of virgins’ tears. Can can. I let my King know.” Tuah said.

Now…. We’ll fast forward to how they got the things.

Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat got the golden bridge, the silver bridge, seven bowls of betel nut juice, trays of fleas’ heart and trays of mosquitos’ hearts all at Mustafa Centre. The Seven jars of virgins’ tears were collected at a Justin Bieber concert held recently at the Istana.

“Alamak… the bowl of blood that one like very the hard to get eh.” Thought Hang Tuah.

Hang Tuah and Tun Mamat went to meet the Sultan and asked him, “ My Sultan, we have gotten most of what Puteri Gunung Ledang wanted but the last one.”

“What is the last thing on the list Tuah? Asked the Sultan.

“Oh. Nothing big la. Just a bowl of your son blood.” Tuah said.

“A what of the what of the who! Is that women crazy!” screamed the Sultan as he got up from his chair.

“Your highness. Please calm yourself down. No use getting frustrated. And sir, why are you wearing just your boxers with your royal baju kurung?” Tuah said.

“Its no pants Friday. I can’t give that woman a bowl of my son blood. That is insane.” Said the Sultan. “What do I do now?”

“My Sultan. How about you just forget about this Puteri Gunung Ledang. When me and Hang Tuah was there, we never saw her. All we saw was this old lady. Maybe it’s a case of someone being somebody else?” Tun Mamat said.

“Maybe you’re right Mamat.” Sigh the Sultan.

On the Sultans wall that night, he wrote this.

Hotsultan36 : "Kena bubble again.

With that, this story ends. You can see the real version here.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

:: First President of Singapore ::

Here's a short story.

One day, Adam met Jane. Adam proceed to ask Jane,

"Who is the first president of Singapore?"

Jane answered, "Sang Nila Utama".

Adams reaction.... looked like this

Saturday, September 25, 2010

:: Photo obsession ::

Went out full force today to try out my newly "borrowed" camera. Results can be found here.

A little note, Sang Nila Utama is NOT the first president of Singapore. Come on people!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

:: Breakfast gone wrong ::

Continuing the historical lesson.......

Once upon a time, many many years ago, there was a street magician named Tun Jana Katib.

He decided one day to visit Singapore since he heard that the local food there is nice. He sms-ed his 2 good friend, Tuan di-Bungoran and Tuan di-Selangor to set a date for a tour of the city. During his tour, he walked past the palace of the King of Singapore and saw the queen looking out the window.

"Oh my," he thought to himself. "Chio bu sia"

Now there was a betel-palm growing beside the palace, and Tun Jana Khatib look at his 2 friends and said "My friend, (long intense pause) watch." He cast a spell on it and it turned into two palms! Coincidently, Paduka Sri Maharaja (da King) was having breakfast and saw what Tun Jana Katib did.

"Bastard!" screamed da King. "How dare he anyhow anyhow change my trees! Not shy is it?!"

"That is Tun Jana Katib my king. He's a street magician from the east" said one of his servant.

"A what from the what?! I don't care if he's from Tampines or Simei or Pasir Ris! How dare he!" said da King. "Guards! Capture that David Blaine wannabe and sentence him to death!"

"My king, we can't suka suka just execute him" informed his servants.

"I don't care!" da King said, banging on the table. "If I can charge my people 10 cents to enter the public toilet, why not this? Capture him and execute him!" ordered da King.

Tun Jana Katib was captured and it took just one day for his execution to happen. Da King army men brought him to Katib Camp and prepared for his execution.

"Any last words magic man?" asked da King

"Kepalaotak! First you charge your own people 10 cents to enter the public toilets. Now this. I curse your country! May a thousand sand flies feast on your family jewel!" Tun Jana Katib yelled!

Raising up to his feet, da King said, "Wo, wo, wo, wo, wo. Family jewel don't play play ah."

"Ok. Fine. Hmmmm..... may a thousand swordfish attack your harbour? Is that cool?" asked Tun Jana Katib.

"Yes. That's ok" da King said, now seated back on his throne.

"Ok. May a thousand swordfish attack your harbour!" yelled Tun Jana Katib.

"Guards. Kill him!" da King ordered.

The executioner took a kris and stabbed Tun Jana Katib. In an instant he died.

Rumour has it that when Tun Jana Katib died, there was a man making cake nearby. And when Tun Jana Khatib was stabbed by the executioner, his blood dripped to the ground, though his body was spirited to Langkawi. When the cake-maker clapped the lid of his pan down over a clot of Tun Jana Khatib's blood, it turned into stone. Till this day, the stone is still there. Back to the story.

The harbour at Tanjong Pagar was indead attacked by a thousand swordfish, stalling the "legalise gambling area" that da King had in mind. Day by day, many of his workers died.

"How can this be? I'm losing hundreds of dollars on insurance pay out to the victim families! I have to stop this. Slaves! Bring me my red fast horse! I want to see what's happening at Tanjong Pagar." da King said.

Upon reaching Tanjong Pagar, da King saw himself, thousands of swordfish, flying out the waters.One by one, killing his workers. Suddenly, one swordfish flew out of the water and was heading towards da King.

"FUCK!!!!!!!" screamed da King. With a loud thud, the nose of the swordfish landed in between da Kings legs, just missing his family jewel. "All of you, form a barricade to protect me! All of you!" ordered da King. Alas, one by one, his human barricade was stabbed by the swordfish.

"There are so many banana stems lying around, why are all of you sacrificing your body to form this barricade. Take the stems, cut, and use that to form the barricade ah." a tiny voice from the crowd said.

"Oooo.Not a bad idea. Not bad at all" thought da King. Da King took out his loud hailer and said, "Testing, testing. All personnel, please go to the wooded area and cut out the banana stems. Next, refer to page 54 of the 'Dummies guide to barricade building'. Please be careful in handling your cutting tools."

Soon, the banana stem barricade was formed. In time, most of the swordfish got stuck on the stems and was killed.

"Who is the person who suggested this wonderful idea?" asked da King.

A small boy emerged from the crowd and said "It was me your highness."

"You are a smart boy indeed. Not as handsome as me. But still, a smart boy." said da King. "What would you like in return?"

"I would not like anything my king, as what I did was merely just my duty as a citizen of your country" the boy said.

"You are something my son." said da King. He rose from his chair and said, "Everyone, cheer for this boy! He is, a true hero!"

Everyone cheered as da King sat down and whispered to his minister, "I think this kid will be a problem in the future. Tonight, take him to that hill and make him swim with the fishes. Kapish?"

"Yes sir." his minister said.

Night time came and 2 of da King guards took the little boy to the hill near to the palace. There, one of the guards took out his long kris while the other tied the boy up.

"Sorry boy, bosses orders." said one of the guard.

The guard raised his kris up in the air and stabbed the little boy. The boy shouted, "macam sialla!!!!" and fell to the ground. He bled and bled non stop for hours, making the hill turn red.

That night, da King received news on the weird death of the little boy and he remembered what he did to Tun Jana Katib. Adding to all of this, he pondered on the unnecessary deaths of his workers due to the swordfish curse. He hunched over to his wash basin and splashed water to his face. He looked up into his wall mirror and shook his head.

"Dammit! If only I had my breakfast at a coffeshop instead of at my house that day. I wouldn't have seen that idiot magician flirting with my wife."

The End.

p.s - This is only a story being told by me. No offense to all the characters being put forward in this story. You can find out the true stories here, here and here.

:: What creature is that? ::

Today is a good day to know alittle tiny bit more about the country I live in. Lets track back to the pre-Raffles era of Singapore.

Long before your time…

Sang Nila Utama, a prince of Palembang, was out hunting at one of the islands in Riau (Indonesia). A deer caught his attention and off he went, chasing for the kill. He came to a very large rock and decided “hey maybe I should climb it”. Climb the large rock he did. Once he was at the top, he saw (in the distance) an island with a sandy beach. The island, to him, looks like a large piece of white cloth.

“What land is that?” asked Sang Nila Utama.

“I believe that is Temasek my lord” answered his trusted minister (also known as his “left ball” or “ambre” now).

“We shall visit Temasek!” Sang Nila Utama shouted with fist in the air.

Relieved was the deer he was chasing as the mysterious Temasek has saved its life.

Now, we shall fast forward this story alittle bit. I’ll summarise some parts of what happen during the voyage.

- A storm hit the boat Sang Nila Utama was in

- He had to throw anything heavy out to sea as his ship was taking in water

- Only when he threw his crown into the sea did the storm stopped.

Sang Nila Utama finally landed at the mouth of the present-day Singapore River and decided, “now lets hunt!” The moment he said that, a strange animal with a red body, black head and a white breast appeared. It was an awesomely leuwau looking animal and it moved with great speed as it disappeared into the forest. Most people would have shake and stutter at the sight of such greatness. Not Sang Nila Utama, who decided upon seeing that animal to ask his left b--, I mean his trusted minister,

“What animal was that?”

“Sir, that fine looking animal is probably a lion.” Answered his minister.

“I see. Than, we shall screw the name Temasek and name this place…. Wait for it… Singapura!” claimed Sang Nila Utama with his right fist up high in the air.

His ministers cheered and clapped. Sang Nila Utama ruled Singapura for 48 years after that day.

Little did his majesty know, that his minister was wrong. Singapura (which means Lion City in Malay) was the wrong name given at that time. Why? Because recent research has shown that lions have never ever lived in Singapore. What they saw probably was a tiger. I guess this is what should have probably happen.

… who decided upon seeing that animal to ask his left b--, I mean his trusted minister,

“What animal was that?”

“Sir, that fine looking animal is probably a lion.” Answered his minister.

“I see. Are you sure? “ asked his Majesty.

“Yes sir. I read somewhere that a lion looks like what your majesty have just said.” Answered his minister.

“Really? The thing is my friend, I know someone who knows someone who have talked to someone who has shown him a picture of a lion. The first thing he noticed is that lions have a mane. I don’t see any mane on that particular creature. Do you take me as a fool!” screams Sang Nila Utama

“No sir! I do not take you as a fool! Pardon my idiotness. I’m such a stooge!” the minister said as he knelt down on his majesty feet.

“Imbecile! That! My fellow subjects….” Sang Nila Utama said pointing to the direction of where the animal was at, “Is a Kucinta! Therefore, screw the name Temasek! I shall name this place…. Wait for it… Kucintapura!” claimed Sang Nila Utama with his right fist up high in the air.

His fellow minister cheered as Sang Nila Utama held his fist up high, looking upwards towards the sky, soaking in the praises and congratulations thrown to him by his subjects.

p.s - I just like to add that although this is a twisted rendition of the story, no form of disrespect is to be aimed to the Deer, Tiger, Lion, Minister, Angry Ocean, Sang Nila Utamas crown or Sang Nila Utama himself. Read the REAL articles here and here.

Friday, September 17, 2010

:: Somewhere in my phone ::

Found this photograph in my hp and decided on touching it up. Taken during Nura's 21st birthday. Was really honored to be there ever since your 18th birthday.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

:: Punggol Beach ::

A few nights ago, K and I set forth to look for 2 things.

1) Matilda house
2) Punggol Beach

Why would this 2 be on our list you might ask. Well, Matilda house is supposedly haunted. Plus, its an old, old house. Punggol Beach is a site where hundreds of Chinese were massacred during the Japanese occupation which means, land rich historical site.

We failed to find Matilda's house as the area was really really dark BUT, we managed to find Punggol Beach. Since it was dark, the only photograph we managed to take that made sense was this.

Find out more about this historical site here.

We're planning on a trip to another historical place. Might be putting out a list of what we have done (with links to flickr and other important informative sites).

On a personal note, recording is commencing and I've learn to pee standing up. Spell my name on the snow people! BOOYAH!

Friday, September 10, 2010

:: Confession ::

People, I have a confession to make. Since I was very very young, I was told to have a very bad habit. I, Wan, am a chronic doodler. Yes. I said it. I'm a chronic doodler. BUT, before you say anything bad about it, lets see some nice information shall we.

1) Doodling is known to increase a persons memory
2) Doodling helps greatly in concentration
3) Works the 'creative part of the brain
4) Make you look busy at a meeting when all you're feeling is ultimate boredom
5) and lastly, when you doodle and it looks nice, you can frame it up and let the world see your art

Below is what I doodled on a recent meeting. Part 1 of many I guess. This was a part of a very big picture I drew.

In conclusion, the next time anyone tells you that doodling is bad, nicely inform that person to go "fly a kite" or to go "have sexual intercourse with a spider". Ok, that's extreme. Just tell that to read this entry.

P.s : Selamat Hari Raya to everyone who celebrates it!

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

:: An answer to the Merlion mystery ::

I emailed a bunch of organizations to figure out if they know the story behind the extra twin Merlions I saw. So far only 1 came back to me with an answer. Here it is.

Dear Wan

Greetings from the Singapore Tourism Board (STB)!

Thank you for your e-mail.

With regard to your enquiry., I have checked with our Communications department and was informed that there are now 8 (not 5) merlions in Singapore, that STB is aware of. They are:

- Merlion Park x 2 (main Merlion and the Merlion cub)
- Sentosa x 1
- Mount Faber x 1
- STB x 1
- Ang Mo Kio x 2
- Lilliputt x 1

The Merlion was designed in 1964 by Mr Fraser Brunner, a member of the souvenir committee and a curator of the Van Kleef Aquarium. On 20 July 1966, the Merlion was registered as the trademark of the Singapore Tourist Promotion Board (STPB).

Should you require further assistance, please feel free to contact us at our touristline 1800 736 2000 (+65 6736 2000 from overseas) between 8am to 9pm daily.

Thank you.

Now, I know its not a complete answer. Which only means 1 thing. More research. Come on people, answer my emails!

I like to thank Singapore Tourism Board (STB) for the quick reply.

:: In December ::

Might or might not happen.

Smoke as perfume
Not about you
Bringing them down
Caving into something

Friday, September 03, 2010

:: Wanted part 2 ::

Kakak, Eh, Oi, Girl girl, Kakak kecik, Chocolate monster, Jangan kacau, I dah penat, No!
No idea
Enjoys saying "hi" to people. Has the tendency to be super friendly to victim without victim knowing her true intention. Got that from her father. Practice extreme caution when she comes up to you and say hi and hold your hands. Highly intelligent 2/3 year old. Could smell fear from a mile away. Has seen her detect chocolate in its wrapper from 4 miles away.
Teddy bears, saying "hi" in 25 different language and chocolate.
Further research needs to be conducted.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

:: Tale of 5,000 bricks ::

Was at the National Library in the morning for some "work related stuff" and realize one major thing. If I'm not wrong, when the National Library moved from its original location to its present location, some of its red bricks was moved and put into an exhibition-like display. The thing is, I don't really know where it is. Now, as I'm typing this, I know (after doing some amount of research). Here's some pictures for the day.

Here's 1 of the bricks found in the library at an exhibition at level 5.

This insignia, located near one of the entrance of the library, was from the old library (maybe located at its main hall). Some believed the four symbols symbolize knowledge from the four corners of the world. Lastly,

The last part of the original gate linking the National Museum to the old library. Yes people, in the olden times (when police still where shorts) the National Museum and the National Library shared the same location. Cool huh?

So, now the question is..... where is the 5,000 brick exhibition? I know where it is. Only have to get me buttocks down there to take a picture of it. Till next time.....

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

:: Heartland Merlions ::

Singapore is an interesting place if you only know where to look at while walking. Me and 19 frets was taking a romantic stroll near somewhere and I chanced upon this.

Now you see my fellow friends, there are 5 official Merlions in Singapore. There are at

1) Sentosa (The big ones with laser blasting out of its eyes around 8pm)
2) The mother Merlion at the Merlion Park
3) The baby Merlion at the Merlion Park
4) Another at the Tourism Court and lastly
5) One 3m Merlion at Mount Faber.

Since we were somewhere in the heartland, how can there be a pair of Merlions there. I wonder I ponder. Based on an article, this pair could either be

a) A counterfeit/replica of the Merlion recognised by the Singapore Tourism Board (STB) or
b) A counterfeit/replica of the Merlion NOT recognised by the STB.

Whichever it is, it looks leuwau cool and it proves one good point. Everywhere you go, if you know where to look, things can never be boring.

A clue to where this pair of Merlions can be found. I give you a hint. And here it is.

Stop Id : 54611