Thursday, January 27, 2011

:: The boy who cry wolf ::

It's that time again where I infect peoples' minds with an infectious story. Presenting, "The story of the boy who cried wolf". Here goes!

During the kampong days, there was a boy named Ali. Being hardworking and honest are 2 important qualities of a child that Ali do not have.

One day, his father called him. "Ali! Ali! Where the hell is that boy. ALI!"

"Yes father. I'm here. What do you want?" Ali answered.

"There you are. I need you to go guard the farm. Sheeps are disapearing. I'm going to Giant for awhile." his father said, while packing his bag.

"But I was playing!" cried Ali.

"So? Go do as I say. The sheeps are important!" his father said.

"Fine! Can you at least buy me something from Giant?" asked Ali.

"No!" his father yelled.

"Miser!" whispered Ali to himself.

"What did you say!" screamed his father.

"Nothing, nothing" Ali said.

There he was, sitting down on a rock, looking at the sheeps.
"This isn't fair. Why must I guard all this stinky sheeps. Why must I do everything in the household. 'Ali, guard the sheeps. Ali, move that big rock.Ali, go pull that sword out of that stone. Ali, go climb up that tall tower and wake up the sleeping princess. Ali, this. Ali, that!' Why must it always be me!"

Suddenly, a friend of his message him. "Ali. Party now at my house. Parents not in. Lets get it on!"

"A party! Damn! I want to go there soooo bad. But I have to guard the sheeps." Ali said. He texted his friend back with this message, "Cant. Father asked to guard the sheeps."

A few minutes later, his phone beeped. "Cry wolf. Run away. People would start searching for it. Sheeps would be safe. You would be partying!"

"Hmmmm....what a stupid idea!" Ali thought to himself. He replied, "Singapore where got wolf!!!"

His friend messaged him back "Oh ya. Well, too bad. Party is still gonna happen. Booyah!"

"How. How do I get out of doing this." pondered Ali. Just as Ali was dreaming, a gust of wind engulfed the area. A cloud of smoke appeared and a fairie appeared right in front of him!

"Oh my goodaness! What are you?!" screamed Ali.

"I am, a fairie. I believe you would want to get out of baby sitting a bunch of sheeps and go party yourself silly instead. Am I right?" the fairie said.
"Hell yeah! But I can't think of any excuses right now to get out of this." Ali answered.

"Well, let me help you. I will grant you one wish." the fairie said.

"Hmmm.. I know! I want Singapore to have wolves!" said Ali.

"Wolves?! Why would you want that!" said the fairie.

"So that I can cry wolf. Get people to come here. And i can go to the party! It was a friends' idea." Ali said.

"You sure? You know you can wish to go to the party, or wish for a clone of yourself, or even wish that your father didn't ask you to do this." the fairie said.

"Hey! It's my wish! Do as I say!" Ali said, with both his hands on his waist.

"Ok. All you need to do is say it. Say I wish...." the fairie said.

Confidently, Ali said. "I wish that there would be wolves in Singapore, so that I can cry wolf and go to the party!"

With that, the fairie disappeared.

"Now..... lets try this." Ali said to himself. Clearing his throat, Ali shouted "WOLF! WOLF!"

He looked around, and not a single soul came running to him. "That's weird. I'll try again. WOLF! WOLF!"

Still, no one was running to him. No one was even in the area.

He saw an old chinese man, walking on the road. So he yelled again. "WOLF! WOLF!"

"Eh boy! You sibei siow ah! Singapore boliao wolf la! Pentan!" the old man said while walking away.

Suddenly, Ali heard a slight movement, coming from the bushes. "Oh no...." he thought to himself.

From the bushes, out came a pack of wolves.Looking at Ali. With saliva dropping from their mouth.

"Shit!" Ali said and took out his phone to text his friend for help. "Help! Wolves trying to eat me!"

Instantly, his friend texted him back. "Wolves? Ya right. Godzilla is doing the chacha in his underpants at my party. Have fun guarding the sheeps. Cheers"

"That's it. I'm dead.... WOLVES! WOLVES! SOMEONE HELP! WOLVES WOLVES!" Ali screamed.

The pack of wolves came running towards him and killed him.

Being hardworking and honest are 2 important qualities of a child that Ali do not have. Apparently, he wasn't that smart either.

The End.

The concept of crying wolf means saying a lie one too many times to the point that no one believes you when it actually happens. Therefore, here's one thing you should never cry out because if it actually happens, and no one believes you, you'll be in deep shit.

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!"

Sunday, January 23, 2011

:: Bike crash ::

Last weekend, I got into an accident and it hurts! Seriously. How it feels like? It kinda feels like getting into a boxing ring with your hands tied behind your bag fighting for 3 rounds. Painful. Was out for a week with no energy to do anything. Here's a funny video for people to see and laugh at.

Ps - I'm ok people. Will be back doing whatever i do best really really soon. Booyah!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

:: Message Madness with a friend ::

Sms convo with a friend one day that went like this :

Friend : My ball is called "Cold Fury"
Me : My sperms are known as "Raging Demon"

Later on, he smsed me this :

Friend : Thanks man, now my bowling nick is "Cold Raging Fury"
Me : My bowling name is "Sperm Shack Cadillac"
Friend : That's nice

Thursday, January 06, 2011

:: Santa Clause is coming to town ::

The wall calender states,
24th December, not a day early or late
"This year will be special" he said
Because I'm sending presents to a country without a state

He took out a pen, and marked his map
Singapore. Yes. This year I will visit Singapore

Santa Clause got on his sleigh
And whipped his reindeer hard
With PS3s, Wiis and coals (meant for naughty kids)
Santa Clause flew, into the dark

Magical and powerful Santa Claus is
He traveled from the North Pole and reach Singapore in mere minutes

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" Santa Clause yelled
Laughing out load, flying faster than light
He looked at this tiny red dot and said
"Singapore, here I come for the very first time"

As Santa Clause reached Singapore, he said
"Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas."
"Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho! Holly crap! This place is freaking hot!"

Rudolf was no longer the red nose reindeer.
His whole body was red and so was his face.
"What hot weather this place is!" said Santa.
"Even my reindeers are sweating!"

Santa was about to turn back but said,
"No! The kids in Singapore have been nice!
Their believe in me is strong!
For them, I won't turn back. For them I will try!"

Flying thru Orchard, flying past the Flyer
Santa sleigh was flying faster, and faster
Suddenly his reindeer stopped
In front of a big blue sign

"ERP - In operation"
In bold yellow lines
"What is this ERP?" Santa thought?
"We have to pay to enter Santa" Rudolf sigh

"Pay?! I do not have cash with me now" Santa cried
"Go around it my friends! Daylight is coming!" commanded Santa
The reindeers followed the instructions and went around the big blue sign.
A bright flash of light flashed and Santa wondered "Could that be a lightning strike?"

Reaching a block of flats, Santa stopped on top of it.
"Where is the chimneys to get myself into the house?" Santa pondered.
"You have to go down the lifts sir, to get to the house" Rudolf said.
Santa went to an open lift and down he went.

Reaching the top level of the flats
Santa saw 2 man
With cans of paint in their hands
"Singaporeans are artist too, who loves graffiti art like i do!" Santa said

He looked at the door of the unit and saw the words "OSPS"
"Oh! I bet OSPS means 'Only Santa Pleases Singapore'!" Santa said.
He went up to the 2 man and said "Let me help you decorate that my friends"
Baffled and shocked, the 2 man handed him the can

Just when Santa was ready to write
"Merry Christmas Singapore"
He heard a loud and commanding voice
Saying "Put your hands up and leave that can on the floor!"

With cans in his hands, Santa held his hand up
Saying, "Whats is this? What have I done?"
"You are under arrest for loan shark activities!
Although the Santa outfit is the first of its kind, it doesn't change anything!" said the policeman

"Wait officers, I think you've got it wrong" Santa said
"Shut up asshole! I've been observing you for long!" the policeman said
Suddenly out of nowhere Santa heard, "Santa Clause, here, jump out of the ledge"
Seeing Rudolf was there, Santa jumped into his flying sleigh.

"Oh my god, that was close.
If I was put in jail, I'll be exposed!
This place is too hot, to continue to roam
Rudolf my friend, it's time for us to go home"

There's no merry laughter, there's no "Ho, ho, ho"
With a sad sweaty face, Santa went home.
Reaching the North Pole, Santa face was covered in ice
So was his reindeer, coz their sweats froze to ice

"How was Singapore my dear?" asked Mrs Clause
"That place wasn't only humid and hot!
There was no chimneys at all!
I was mistaken to be a loan shark,
Although I wasn't in the sea
Why they thought I was a shark
When all I did was helped 2 man do graffiti."

"Oh dear, you must be tired. But I guess Singapore loves you
There's a letter for you from their TP! Addressed to you!" Mrs Clause said.
"I wonder what TP means and why it was sent
Could it mean 'Thankful people'? Honey, quick, Pass me my pen!
I could be wrong about Singapore, like I was with Japan.
Oh how excited, how excited I am" Santa screamed!

With his chubby finger, he opened the letter
Took out his glasses, from inside his drawers
Slowly he read, word for word, letter by letter
"Evasion of ERP gentry and failure to pay ERP charges - $28"

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

:: Threw it on the ground ::

:: Message Madness with K ::

K has this problem where he will sometimes message me messages that was meant to be for his gf. Yesterday, while slacking, we were laughing about it and by nightfall he did it. AGAIN!

His message : Baby I'm home.

My reply : Ok honey. Don't forget to hang your underwear at the window to ward off evil spirit.

No reply was given to me after this message. Hahahahahahhaha!

:: Message Madness from Suf ::

Me : Dude meet at Raffles Hospital Coffee Bean

Suf : Ok bye

Me : Roger had a little lamb. Mary killed him and got custody of it

Suf : Nugget separuh masak (Translated : Half cooked nugget)

Me : Nugget separuh masak hanye rasa separuh sedap (Translated : Half cooked nugget taste half nice)

Suf : Tomorrow is the future

Me : Yesterday is the past

:: New tag for the new year ::

Introducing, a new tag called "Message madness". Check this. My sweet cousin sent me this sms on New Year's eve.

"Today is the last day of the new year. As a gift, you can ask me one question and I will answer it honestly. I'll be waiting."

I looked at it, and replied.

"Hmmmm, how can the equation e=mc2 be adjusted to include the gravitational pull of -39?"

Next thing I know, he called me and said "What a question!" I answered him "What? It's a legitimate question!" The next few minutes were spent on me convincing him its a real question. I told him "Fine! I'll ask you another question before the year ends."

Later on, I texted him this : "Explain, in percentage, the probability of a Liger being found in the wild from the 16th to the present century."

His answer. "70%"

I said : "Wrong. Its 0% since tigers are asian and lions are africans! Happy New Year!"