1. You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.
2. I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.
3. You had me at “Stop following me!”
4. If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.
5. To me, you’re like what Bert is to Ernie
6. If you were a handful of genital crabs, I’d never change my underwear.
7. I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.
8. You... asshole....I....asshole....together....assholes....
9. You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.
10. Not only would I die for you, I’d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.
11. I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumour.
12. You’re like that pimple that won’t go away. Hard to ignore.
13. I "blood-pumping organ in an animate being" you
14. You're my "Ctrl+S".
15. In my eyes, you're biodegradable
I tried it on 19frets at twitter. Lets see if it catches her heart!