:: The boy who cry wolf ::

It's that time again where I infect peoples' minds with an infectious story. Presenting, "The story of the boy who cried wolf". Here goes!

During the kampong days, there was a boy named Ali. Being hardworking and honest are 2 important qualities of a child that Ali do not have.

One day, his father called him. "Ali! Ali! Where the hell is that boy. ALI!"

"Yes father. I'm here. What do you want?" Ali answered.

"There you are. I need you to go guard the farm. Sheeps are disapearing. I'm going to Giant for awhile." his father said, while packing his bag.

"But I was playing!" cried Ali.

"So? Go do as I say. The sheeps are important!" his father said.

"Fine! Can you at least buy me something from Giant?" asked Ali.

"No!" his father yelled.

"Miser!" whispered Ali to himself.

"What did you say!" screamed his father.

"Nothing, nothing" Ali said.

There he was, sitting down on a rock, looking at the sheeps.
"This isn't fair. Why must I guard all this stinky sheeps. Why must I do everything in the household. 'Ali, guard the sheeps. Ali, move that big rock.Ali, go pull that sword out of that stone. Ali, go climb up that tall tower and wake up the sleeping princess. Ali, this. Ali, that!' Why must it always be me!"

Suddenly, a friend of his message him. "Ali. Party now at my house. Parents not in. Lets get it on!"

"A party! Damn! I want to go there soooo bad. But I have to guard the sheeps." Ali said. He texted his friend back with this message, "Cant. Father asked to guard the sheeps."

A few minutes later, his phone beeped. "Cry wolf. Run away. People would start searching for it. Sheeps would be safe. You would be partying!"

"Hmmmm....what a stupid idea!" Ali thought to himself. He replied, "Singapore where got wolf!!!"

His friend messaged him back "Oh ya. Well, too bad. Party is still gonna happen. Booyah!"

"How. How do I get out of doing this." pondered Ali. Just as Ali was dreaming, a gust of wind engulfed the area. A cloud of smoke appeared and a fairie appeared right in front of him!

"Oh my goodaness! What are you?!" screamed Ali.

"I am, a fairie. I believe you would want to get out of baby sitting a bunch of sheeps and go party yourself silly instead. Am I right?" the fairie said.
"Hell yeah! But I can't think of any excuses right now to get out of this." Ali answered.

"Well, let me help you. I will grant you one wish." the fairie said.

"Hmmm.. I know! I want Singapore to have wolves!" said Ali.

"Wolves?! Why would you want that!" said the fairie.

"So that I can cry wolf. Get people to come here. And i can go to the party! It was a friends' idea." Ali said.

"You sure? You know you can wish to go to the party, or wish for a clone of yourself, or even wish that your father didn't ask you to do this." the fairie said.

"Hey! It's my wish! Do as I say!" Ali said, with both his hands on his waist.

"Ok. All you need to do is say it. Say I wish...." the fairie said.

Confidently, Ali said. "I wish that there would be wolves in Singapore, so that I can cry wolf and go to the party!"

With that, the fairie disappeared.

"Now..... lets try this." Ali said to himself. Clearing his throat, Ali shouted "WOLF! WOLF!"

He looked around, and not a single soul came running to him. "That's weird. I'll try again. WOLF! WOLF!"

Still, no one was running to him. No one was even in the area.

He saw an old chinese man, walking on the road. So he yelled again. "WOLF! WOLF!"

"Eh boy! You sibei siow ah! Singapore boliao wolf la! Pentan!" the old man said while walking away.

Suddenly, Ali heard a slight movement, coming from the bushes. "Oh no...." he thought to himself.

From the bushes, out came a pack of wolves.Looking at Ali. With saliva dropping from their mouth.

"Shit!" Ali said and took out his phone to text his friend for help. "Help! Wolves trying to eat me!"

Instantly, his friend texted him back. "Wolves? Ya right. Godzilla is doing the chacha in his underpants at my party. Have fun guarding the sheeps. Cheers"

"That's it. I'm dead.... WOLVES! WOLVES! SOMEONE HELP! WOLVES WOLVES!" Ali screamed.

The pack of wolves came running towards him and killed him.

Being hardworking and honest are 2 important qualities of a child that Ali do not have. Apparently, he wasn't that smart either.

The End.

The concept of crying wolf means saying a lie one too many times to the point that no one believes you when it actually happens. Therefore, here's one thing you should never cry out because if it actually happens, and no one believes you, you'll be in deep shit.

"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!"

:: Bike crash ::

Last weekend, I got into an accident and it hurts! Seriously. How it feels like? It kinda feels like getting into a boxing ring with your hands tied behind your bag fighting for 3 rounds. Painful. Was out for a week with no energy to do anything. Here's a funny video for people to see and laugh at.



Ps - I'm ok people. Will be back doing whatever i do best really really soon. Booyah!!!

:: Message Madness with a friend ::

Sms convo with a friend one day that went like this :

Friend : My ball is called "Cold Fury"
Me : My sperms are known as "Raging Demon"

Later on, he smsed me this :

Friend : Thanks man, now my bowling nick is "Cold Raging Fury"
Me : My bowling name is "Sperm Shack Cadillac"
Friend : That's nice

:: Santa Clause is coming to town ::

The wall calender states,
24th December, not a day early or late
"This year will be special" he said
Because I'm sending presents to a country without a state

He took out a pen, and marked his map
Singapore. Yes. This year I will visit Singapore

Santa Clause got on his sleigh
And whipped his reindeer hard
With PS3s, Wiis and coals (meant for naughty kids)
Santa Clause flew, into the dark

Magical and powerful Santa Claus is
He traveled from the North Pole and reach Singapore in mere minutes

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" Santa Clause yelled
Laughing out load, flying faster than light
He looked at this tiny red dot and said
"Singapore, here I come for the very first time"

As Santa Clause reached Singapore, he said
"Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas."
"Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho! Holly crap! This place is freaking hot!"

Rudolf was no longer the red nose reindeer.
His whole body was red and so was his face.
"What hot weather this place is!" said Santa.
"Even my reindeers are sweating!"

Santa was about to turn back but said,
"No! The kids in Singapore have been nice!
Their believe in me is strong!
For them, I won't turn back. For them I will try!"

Flying thru Orchard, flying past the Flyer
Santa sleigh was flying faster, and faster
Suddenly his reindeer stopped
In front of a big blue sign

"ERP - In operation"
In bold yellow lines
"What is this ERP?" Santa thought?
"We have to pay to enter Santa" Rudolf sigh

"Pay?! I do not have cash with me now" Santa cried
"Go around it my friends! Daylight is coming!" commanded Santa
The reindeers followed the instructions and went around the big blue sign.
A bright flash of light flashed and Santa wondered "Could that be a lightning strike?"

Reaching a block of flats, Santa stopped on top of it.
"Where is the chimneys to get myself into the house?" Santa pondered.
"You have to go down the lifts sir, to get to the house" Rudolf said.
Santa went to an open lift and down he went.

Reaching the top level of the flats
Santa saw 2 man
With cans of paint in their hands
"Singaporeans are artist too, who loves graffiti art like i do!" Santa said

He looked at the door of the unit and saw the words "OSPS"
"Oh! I bet OSPS means 'Only Santa Pleases Singapore'!" Santa said.
He went up to the 2 man and said "Let me help you decorate that my friends"
Baffled and shocked, the 2 man handed him the can

Just when Santa was ready to write
"Merry Christmas Singapore"
He heard a loud and commanding voice
Saying "Put your hands up and leave that can on the floor!"

With cans in his hands, Santa held his hand up
Saying, "Whats is this? What have I done?"
"You are under arrest for loan shark activities!
Although the Santa outfit is the first of its kind, it doesn't change anything!" said the policeman

"Wait officers, I think you've got it wrong" Santa said
"Shut up asshole! I've been observing you for long!" the policeman said
Suddenly out of nowhere Santa heard, "Santa Clause, here, jump out of the ledge"
Seeing Rudolf was there, Santa jumped into his flying sleigh.

"Oh my god, that was close.
If I was put in jail, I'll be exposed!
This place is too hot, to continue to roam
Rudolf my friend, it's time for us to go home"

There's no merry laughter, there's no "Ho, ho, ho"
With a sad sweaty face, Santa went home.
Reaching the North Pole, Santa face was covered in ice
So was his reindeer, coz their sweats froze to ice

"How was Singapore my dear?" asked Mrs Clause
"That place wasn't only humid and hot!
There was no chimneys at all!
I was mistaken to be a loan shark,
Although I wasn't in the sea
Why they thought I was a shark
When all I did was helped 2 man do graffiti."

"Oh dear, you must be tired. But I guess Singapore loves you
There's a letter for you from their TP! Addressed to you!" Mrs Clause said.
"I wonder what TP means and why it was sent
Could it mean 'Thankful people'? Honey, quick, Pass me my pen!
I could be wrong about Singapore, like I was with Japan.
Oh how excited, how excited I am" Santa screamed!

With his chubby finger, he opened the letter
Took out his glasses, from inside his drawers
Slowly he read, word for word, letter by letter
"Evasion of ERP gentry and failure to pay ERP charges - $28"

:: Threw it on the ground ::

:: Message Madness with K ::

K has this problem where he will sometimes message me messages that was meant to be for his gf. Yesterday, while slacking, we were laughing about it and by nightfall he did it. AGAIN!

His message : Baby I'm home.

My reply : Ok honey. Don't forget to hang your underwear at the window to ward off evil spirit.

No reply was given to me after this message. Hahahahahahhaha!

:: Message Madness from Suf ::

Me : Dude meet at Raffles Hospital Coffee Bean

Suf : Ok bye

Me : Roger had a little lamb. Mary killed him and got custody of it

Suf : Nugget separuh masak (Translated : Half cooked nugget)

Me : Nugget separuh masak hanye rasa separuh sedap (Translated : Half cooked nugget taste half nice)

Suf : Tomorrow is the future

Me : Yesterday is the past

:: New tag for the new year ::

Introducing, a new tag called "Message madness". Check this. My sweet cousin sent me this sms on New Year's eve.

"Today is the last day of the new year. As a gift, you can ask me one question and I will answer it honestly. I'll be waiting."

I looked at it, and replied.

"Hmmmm, how can the equation e=mc2 be adjusted to include the gravitational pull of -39?"

Next thing I know, he called me and said "What a question!" I answered him "What? It's a legitimate question!" The next few minutes were spent on me convincing him its a real question. I told him "Fine! I'll ask you another question before the year ends."

Later on, I texted him this : "Explain, in percentage, the probability of a Liger being found in the wild from the 16th to the present century."

His answer. "70%"

I said : "Wrong. Its 0% since tigers are asian and lions are africans! Happy New Year!"

:: My 2010 in a nutshell ::

2010. If I could sum up my 2010 in one word, it would be "Awesome". 2010 has been a great year for me. "How can the year be great for u?" people might ask. Well, 2010 was great because I made it great. Let me tell you guys a story.

I remember, it was the countdown to usher in 2010. I was with K and my younger brother under a block near my place, eating Myojo cup noodles. For the first time after a very long time, here I was, under a block eating cup noodles with only 2 people to accompany me. It was such a humbling experience. Before I knew it, 2010 came. No countdowns. No group of friends. No gigs. No big crowds. I looked at K and I remembered saying to him, "Dude. 2010 will be MY year. I'm going to make things happen for myself." Best thing to happen to me in 2009 was to break my ankle. There I was, looking at the stars, unable to move, humbled, being forced to take a break.

Now, what exactly did I do to make 2010 MY year. Looking back, here's what I've accomplish for 2010 (I'll try to list down some, if not all, of it. To the best of what I can remember) :

01) Got a good paying "stable salary" job
02) Got my Class 2B license
03) Got a bike
04) Finally bought a ring for 19Frets
05) Picked up "Photography" as a new hobby
06) Picked up "Exploring" as a new hobby
07) Picked up "Fishing" as a new hobby
08) Tried filming and writing a short story
09) Created my dream bass "Da Jerk"
10) Kept close friends really close to me
11) Rekindle lost friendships
12) Visited the Botanical Gardens
13) Visited Kampong Buangkok
14) Finding the twin Merlions
15) Saw the Toa Payoh dinosaurs
16) Saw the Whampoa dragon
17) Found more cool place to sit and relax
18) Being able to still write music
19) Having the chance to play my last gig for Oligarchy
20) Buying Mio TV
21) Surviving my first ever bike accident

2010. What can I say? Awesome, awesome year. The saddest thing about 2010 is this. Oligarchy is on an indefinite hiatus. How long? Well, there is a very high chance that Oligarchy will be disbanded, although nothing is OFFICIAL yet. I know words are traveling around somewhere, someplace regarding the reasons why this is happening. Now is not the time for me, the person who created this band in the first place, to inform people about it. Nothing is official. There are many things that needs figuring out. To see if it all makes sense to even continue this journey at this point of time. No official breakup announcements are written in either our Myspace or Reverbnation page. Our music is still there for people to listen to or download. When things are finally thought about and decisions are finally made official, the announcement will be made at those 2 page and also here. If there is a need for me to personally explain why, that would be written here too. Now that's a promise I can make to everyone out there who are considered Oligarchy's fans and friends. As for now, Oligarchy is on an indefinite hiatus. The reason? It's musically based. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I don't want to thank friends, fans or organizers for the wonderful 5 years that I had with Oligarchy. Instead, I would have this to say to the ones mentioned above. "If you think those 5 years are good, wait till you see what I have in mind for the next 5 years!"

My 2011 resolutions will be covered in a few days to come. But all I can say to you, my friends, is this.

"End 2010 the way you want 2011 to be."

With that, I want to wish (from the bottom of my heart)

Happy new year to all my friends!!!

Ps - to 19frets "I love you so much! Thanks for being the compass that never fails"

:: I just had sex. Really ::

:: What is this world coming to? ::

Something is really really wrong with my luck when it comes to telcos company in Singapore. First, I finally give in to buying Singtel's Mio plan just to watch soccer. Today, the big match, gets postponed! Come on man!!! Plus, I wanted to get a data plan for my Starhub mobile.... and this is what the sales person answered me when i ask when i can do it, "Oh, after 1 year you can recontract". When I told him when my contract ends he said, "Oh, can you wait 3 more months?" I'm like.... WTF. Come on people! At least BBQ is coming for Suf's birthday. I need to go and buy stuff for that soon man....

:: Kitty pot ::

This month is going really really well so far. With a $300 kitty pot to spend, I'm wrecking my brains to buy things. I finally got a fishing rod and reel. Caught a fish on its first outing. Now, what do I buy with the rest of the money. Here's a list

1) A new bass? (must be able to compete with Da Jerk which is hard)
2) A new bass bag?
3) Save it for recording?
4) A new helmet?
5) A new external hard disk?
6) PS3? - This would be extreme
7) A new CPU? - Now this would be really really extreme
8) Go on a holiday?
9) Rent a chalet?
10) BBQ?
11) Go zoo?
12) Go night safari?
13) Go zoo AND night safari?

Well, that's all the options i've got so far. Will update. DECEMBER BUTTOCKS!!!!!

:: ERP on Twitter ::

Oh man.... this is so so funny. Click here to see what I'm talking about.

:: Last weekend ::

Last weekends, there was no gigs, no jam, no nothing. Last weekend was filled with nothing. Finally, a time to rest, a time to reflect, a time to catch up on much needed sleep and lastly, a time to just hit that stop button to rest. Right?

WRONG!

Last weekend was GREAT! Filming, cousins getting married, went to the guitar shop and writing! Now, that's life people! Weekend was really really busy but its uber rad! Took pictures too. Might be editing it and putting it on flickr real soon. Tomorrow's a busier day. Back to work! BOOYAH!

:: Accidental Meeting ::

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.

Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow!

Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says "You take the first drink", then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The woman asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The man replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

:: Beer contains female hormones ::

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

:: Counter measures ::

Two young boys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young boys, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than some hard jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday morning, bright and early."

The two boys where in court that Monday morning, and the judge asked the first one, "So, How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor," he replied, "I persuaded 22 people to give up drugs forever."

"22 people? That's amazing. How'd you accomplish such a feat?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs, and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?" he asked the second boy.

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 214 people to give up drugs forever."

"214 people! That's unbelieveable! How on earth did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar approach," he answered. "I drew a large and a small circle. Pointing to the small circle, I said, this is your asshole before you go to prison..........."

:: 10.10.10 ::

There's 2 things in Singapore now that's really important.

1) Chicken Rice and
2) Sheikh Haikel's new album (10.10.10)

If you have never ever tasted Chicken Rice, something is really wrong. Even writing the sentence gives me the chills! Its a free download album. Nicely done, nicely recorded, nice usage of Auto-tune and lastly, its freaking awesome. I'm no rapper or a RnB song writer, but its good music. And that's all that matters.

Go download the album here people!

:: Welcome to hell ::

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and Fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!

Guy: Gee that sounds great!

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You know it!

Demon: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why, yes I do.

Demon: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: WOW !! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!

Demon: Are You gay?

Guy: No....

Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

:: Ultimate Class test ::

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"